WALK IN THE PARK

Feckless (FP): Oddvark and I took a walk in the park this afternoon. It has been a long time since I was out in nature. The temperature was just right and most of the hiking path was shaded. Say Oddvark, what did you think of that nature trail we walked today?

Oddvark (OC): It was terrific! We saw an eagle, a wild magnolia, and a great looking chick taking a jog around the park.

FP: Yeah, they also had some nice picnicing facilities and even a small campground with several cords of wood stacked up for the fire ring.

OC: That's right, I'd like to pitch my tent out there for a couple of nights before it gets too hot.

FP: We can do that, but you'll have to use those porta-johns when nature calls.

OC: No way, I'll take care of business in the woods.

FP: You used those drop toilets in Oregon last year didn't you.

OC: Hell no! I opened the door to one of those thing and I almost vomited. The fumes coming out of those things would kill a rhino.

FP: You mean to tell me that you went three days without answering the call of nature.

OC: Are you kidding? With all that beer, beenie weenies and beef jerky I was putting down. When I felt the urge I just climbed up the mountain and planted myself behind the biggest tree I could find. There's no way anyone could see me and I didn't have to expose myself to those noxious fumes.

FP: Oddvark, you're a pig. Civilized people don't go in the woods.

OC: In this case I would say I was more like a bear than a pig. Besides, I dig swine. Anyway, how come it's OK for the wild animals to poop all over the place, but if I do it you make it sound nasty.

FP: Well for one thing, there aren't 6.5 billion wild animals in the Oregon woods. Can you imagine what a mess we would have if everyone on earth decided they were going to go au'naturale from now on. Disease would run rampant.

OC: I use the facilities when I'm in town. I just like to make like a bear when I'm in the woods. I bet you couldn't get a bear to set foot in one of those drop toilets.

FC: Oddvark, it is just a convention that has been agreed upon by civilized society. One way that we guage the level of our civilization is how far removed from wild animals we are. Wild animals are not very good at following rules. They are governed by instinct. Since humankind can communicate and understand rules, one way of distancing ourselves from our wild ancestors is by adopting rules and enforcing them. This is one of the origins of morality, religion and the social contract. If we don't adopt and agree to follow rules, we might regress to become more like wild animals. You don't want to live like a wild animal do you Oddvark?

OC: I like pretending I'm a bear when I'm in the woods.

FP: Bears don't brew and distribute oatmeal stout and beef jerky.

OC: You gotta be shitin me!